honest_johns | (no subject)

(no subject)

It's the quiet time, not late night yet but dark enough that the stars are out. Somewhere, there are crickets chirping. Sounds of the bar drift up. It's chilly with the first hints of fall.

Alain is sitting in the chair on Lilly's balcony, looking out into the night. She's perched on the railing nearby.

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Lilly is, unsurprisingly, the first one to break the silence.

"So I haven't heard her again, but... I think I will."

He glances at her. She's a dim shape in the darkness, but he has good night eyes.

"And... I think I believe her. She sounds different from the other ones. They're all nasty little whispers telling me what happened and what didn't and whenever they show me flashes of other things, it hurts. It didn't hurt, when she was talking..."

Lilly trails off and laughs, a little.

"So should I keep talking about why I like one of the voices in my head more than the others or should I give up and get a bathrobe and some cats, because I am clearly already crazy."

Softly, "No, say on."

If it doesn't hurt... that's an indication of something, anyway.

"Okay, but I'm not entirely kidding about the cats."

There's a pause, and when Lilly speaks again her voice is quiet.

"She says she can help me, and... I believe her. But... I don't know if I believe her because I should, or just- just because I want there to be a chance, somehow. I want there to be something I can do other than lie to my friends and wait till... till I can't stand it anymore."

And she glances almost involuntarily out towards the lake.

Alain catches the glance. But doesn't quite make the connection to the shark who is always circling; possibly he doesn't want to make that connection.

he says softly.

He gets up, and comes to stand beside her, leaning against the railing.

Slowly,

Alain's used to listening to his intuition.

Lilly leans her head against his chest and sighs.

"It keeps getting harder to know what's true."

He puts an arm around her, and settles himself against the railing, letting her lean.

Compassionate. He doesn't want there to be this looming deadline, as things get worse and worse. But Gan makes the world, and denial never changed a speck of it, as his parents both used to say. Alain's used to hard choice and hard truth.

Lilly knows time is running out.

(you've already fallen)

She can feel it, feel her grip loosening, feel her fingertips starting to give way. She shrugs.

"It feels like maybe I can believe her, and that's... that's enough to decide it, for me. Besides, it's not like I have a whole lot of options, and I told Del I'd try. So. I will."

He's silent, for a minute, his arm around her.

Lilly looks up at him, her eyes dark.

"I need to find her. If she's really me, from another world, then... the only way I can think of to find her is by her dreams. I have to go to the Dreaming."

Alain is silent.

He's remembering a scar on her collarbone, and thinking of what the realm of one of the Seven can hold.

It's Dream's realm, or Del's. Or both, he thinks, unwillingly. Hard truths.

His other arm comes up, and he holds her.

Lilly slides her arms around his waist and holds on silently for a moment.

"So, I figure this is going to go really well or horribly badly. But um, there probably won't be ninjas attacking me there either."

A breath out, almost laughter. Almost.

"It's a start."

He bends his neck to kiss the top of her head.

Softly, "Do what you have to do."

Lilly tilts her head up to look at him, and she's smiling. The decision is made and there's something for her to do and the relief is momentary but still sweet.

"Yeah, well, that's what got me here. Hopefully it gets me out of it, or you're so dating a cat-lady."

She stretches up, kisses him softly.

"Tell me," she whispers, almost laughing, "do you find pink curlers attractive?"

"...You're going to have to tell me what curlers are for me to answer that."

He recognizes what she's doing. It's not his defense mechanism, but he'll go along with it.

Well, she's not brooding, smoking, being silent or silently broodily smoking, so... no. Not so much Alain's method. Not so much working, either.

"Oh, ask the bar for some when you get a chance. And make sure Koosh is around when you do."

There is amused eyeing.

It's a thin cover over the sober worry, but it's enough to let them pretend.

"Really."

"Really," Lilly replies, and then she just leans her forehead against his chest again and lets it drop.

She's too tired to keep pretending like she did at the party, as much as it might make things easier right now.

The amusement slides away.

He strokes her hair gently, and then just holds her. His breathing is slow and steady, and his heartbeat. The night sounds drift up around them.

After a while, Lilly pulls back to look up at him, and she's smiling a little again.

"I swear, it's not usually this depressing to date me. And you can check that out, I have references."

A breath out, almost a laugh.

Not quite, but almost.

"I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Lilly stretches up to kiss him.

"When I get back."

He knows full well that when means if, here.

He still bends to kiss her, gently.

A bizarre flicker of inverted deja vu. As a gunslinger, Alain was usually the one doing the leaving, the one saying ifs disguised as promises.

"Deal," Lilly murmurs against his mouth. She's still balanced precariously on the edge but she's holding on to Alain more tightly than the railing. He feels more solid to her, really, and besides... he won't let her drop.

If there's one thing Alain has practice at, it's being solid and steady when things are falling apart.

He won't let her drop.

His mouth is gentle on hers, and his arms cradle her securely.

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