honest_johns | (no subject)

Lilly slides her free arm around Alain's waist, looks up at him with concern she's not bothering to hide.

"I'm really sorry, 'lain. About... Susannah and Eddie."

His arms go around her.

He's still holding Eddie's envelope in one hand.

Lilly nods.

"Yeah, I know. But... I know that doesn't make it any easier on the people who're left behind."

Lilly knows this very well. She's left people she loved behind, and watched them in the aftermath. She knows this very well indeed.

He knows.

He doesn't want to think about the faint sense of dimness about Milliways. The way that glimpse of the path to the clearing is still whispering to his undermind, and the way everything seems less real after it. Not right now. Not yet.

Instead, he holds Lilly, and whatever else, her body against his is warm and solid and reassuringly real. The place is just slightly faded, these days, but the people aren't.

He lifts his empty hand, after a moment, to smooth her hair back from her face.

Lilly smiles up at him a little crookedly.

"Oh, you know. Milliways. Hardly a day without doom."

And then the smile fades, and she leans a little more heavily against him.

"Kitty got shot, on a mission in her world. She... she should be okay, and Edmund's with her, but... apparently it was pretty bad."

He pulls her a little closer, as his eyes close.

A small and formless prayer to the gods he's never been entirely sure whether he believes in. Keep her safe, make her well.

Keep us all safe.

"Yeah, it was not a day for good news," Lilly says, her words only slightly muffled by Alain's chest.

"After Susannah left, and you were all talking to Eddie... Raven came to talk to me. He told me, and then after he left Logan came over. So, you know. At least the universe was polite enough to take turns delivering bad news."

He rests his chin against the top of her head, and strokes her hair gently.

he agrees, very softly.

Lilly sighs, closing her eyes and relaxing a bit as his hand moves over her hair. More of the tension leaves her shoulders at the sound of his voice, low and warm and sincere.

"Thankee-sai, even if it's not your fault. Ka or fate or whatever was just... really pissed off today."

Logan telling her about dreams and voices is hardly the work of happy, loving ka after all.

Alain nods, a little, against her hair. His mouth twists, wry and faintly bitter.

Neither heart nor mind. Say true.

He turns just enough to lay Eddie's letter on the bedside table -- his shoulders slump a little more, as he lets it go -- and slips his arm around her again.

After a while,

Lilly swallows hard and nods, pulls back so she can move towards the bed and tug him after her. When they're sitting down, she leans her head against his and after a moment, starts to talk.

"He... he said he's been having dreams, and there are voices in them, telling him things he did and didn't do. Just dreams, not... not like... but, yeah. Close enough that it kinda threw me a little."

A sharp inhalation, and a faint wince, as his arm tightens around her.

Lilly shrugs.

"It's not the same, though, and Kitty is going to be better so really, I've had worse days at Milliways."

She glances up at him.

"I'm thinking this is probably in your bottom five, though."

A puff of breath, humorless laughter.

If he bothered to count and rank his bad days at Milliways, he'd have a list as long as his arm.

But this evening's up there.

"I'm so sorry, 'lain."

She's got her arms around him already but she tightens her hold just a little as she speaks.

For this. For her problems. For everything in this fucking bar, where there is love and joy and friendship but never a moment's peace.

Lilly just nods, still holding him, wishing there was something she could do. She can't think of anything. She can't even think of anything else to say, so she doesn't.

She's there.

It's something. It's a lot.

Time passes. After a while, he turns his head to drop a kiss on her temple.

It's question, not hint, though he's far from averse to the idea.

He's not sleepy. But he's drained.

"Yeah."

Lilly's exhausted. She has no idea if that will be enough to make her sleep, but she's more than willing to try.

There's another minute or so of inertia, sitting wrapped in the imperfect comfort of each other's arms, before Alain pushes himself to his feet with a small sigh, drawing her up with him.

Lilly stretches to her tip-toes to kiss Alain before she kicks off her shoes (it's easier when she's got that extra bit of height.)

The jeans and t-shirt get dropped on his chair before she crawls into his bed, possibly inadvertantly taking the majority of the covers.

Alain's usually a tidy person. Tonight... chair looks good. His shirt and jeans join hers, though his gunbelts are hung from the bedpost with as much automatic care as ever. He'll put them away properly in the morning.

He flicks the switch of what he still thinks of as filament-lights. The room drops into darkness, but for the moonlight through the window.

A step towards the bed, and then he pauses, and moves to the window instead. He pulls the curtain mostly closed, and then turns to join Lilly.

It's a bit of tugging to get a fair share of the covers, and he smiles a little at the familiarity of it, as he slips an arm around her.

It's surprising how quickly some things can become familiar. Having Alain's arms around her as she falls asleep, for one. It's immensely comforting, even if tonight the falling asleep part isn't happening just yet.

There's too much going through her mind, Logan's panicked face and his hard grip on her hand, Kitty lying in a hospital with Edmund by her side, Eddie and Susannah gone... and that's not even counting the things she won't let herself think about.

She sighs, almost inaudibly, and snuggles a little closer to Alain.

Alain drops an absent kiss on her head, as she cuddles closer.

His body is relaxing into the mattress, but his mind is nowhere near sleep. Against the darkness of the ceiling he can see Eddie's body, falling like a corpse and exploding into a thousand points of golden light.

He knows there's a chance Eddie and Susannah will return. They didn't go to

(peace)

the clearing, either of them. Moiraine said so, and her word on these matters was good enough for Roland.

Earlier he believed it; tomorrow he'll believe it. Tonight, now, it's finally sinking in that they're gone.

(Todana, O Discordia!)

There's silence for a little while, as both of them try for sleep. Unsurprisingly, it's Lilly who gives up first.

"You still awake too?"

A breath out -- not quite a laugh, not quite a sigh.

Lilly turns over to face him, and smiles just a bit whether he can see it or not.

"Thought so. Rough day, and all."

Alain has pretty good night eyes. It's a gunslinger thing. And there's moonlight.

The ghost of a smile in answer, more sympathy than anything like humor.

Silence, for a while.

Resigned.

"Not so much, no," Lilly says softly.

"There are lots of good moments, but there's always something bad coming along too."

A soft sigh, and he nods.

Lilly leans over to kiss him lightly.

"Anything I can do?"

A small smile, against her lips -- more real, this time.

Lilly smiles back.

"Oh, good. Because this I can keep doing for a while."

To prove this point, she kisses him again.

It's a long, gentle kiss. No urgency, but only the tired comfort of relaxing into each other.

It's not nothing. Not by a long ways.